Saturday, October 31, 2009

the halloween buzzzzzzzzzzz

My two buzzzzy bees.....

a bit too much on the hug there lil man...

Check out those stingers!

The scaaaaaary punkin man on Halloween night....


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

punkin man

Mr. Incredible made his addition to our Halloween decorations this past weekend:

the kidlings thought punkin man was the coolest thing ever...almost as cool as riding their bikes in the rain....

Monday, October 26, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009

2nd ultrasound

There are still two....
(and I'm still trying to get used to that fact!)

All is well in my belly. They are growing at the same rate, they have strong heart beats and they haven't multiplied into triplets or quadruplets (phew!). Every single bit of good news is a relief to me.

A relief because I take NOTHING for granted.

A relief because everything does not always work out for me.

A relief because I am grateful every single day for my many blessings.

A relief because I am very anxious about this pregnancy and the thought of having twins and all the risks involved.

A relief because, well, it's always a relief for a mom to find out her babies are healthy.

The reason for expressing my "relief" is because I've had a few people intimate that "everything always works out for me." I wrote a lengthy blog post about this and then deleted it. I deleted it because all that needs to be said is that there is not one person who escapes the lows, the disappointments, the uphill battles, etc. of life. Not one. (a friend wrote an excellent post about this a while ago, so no need to repeat what's already been said so well)

The vast majority of my friends have been more than joyous of my news. There are no words to express how grateful I am for friends who share in my joys. Nothing brings me greater bliss than to share -- just share -- with friends and family. Share experience, share love, share joy, share stories, share moments....share everything. It is what makes life rich. And happy.

So I'll be sharing my pregnancy-of-twins journey on this blog. And hopefully everything WILL work out and I will end up with two healthy, happy children who become responsible, solid and just plain good people in the world. There is nothing I will work harder at than helping to create four of those kind of people. I know it will take more hard work than I could possibly imagine -- and I know everything will not always work out the way I want it to...but everything will always work out the way it was meant to for me to learn and to grow.

To whom much is given, much is expected.

'Nuf said.

Friday, October 16, 2009

just cuz

I'm posting today just cuz I'm not feeling like doing much of anything else right now.....

And cuz the view outside my kitchen window is spectacular every morning and I need to share the beauty....

And cuz I never posted anything about Mr. Incredible's incredible horseradish that he grew and then made into yumminess a few weekends ago. However, it was an eye-watering, nose-clearing task.... Not to mention very, very messy....

His eyes were watering so much he could hardly see (hence the mess). I couldn't even get close to the stuff without feeling like I was going to faint -- that is some STRONG smellin' root when you cut it up! (I wish I had taken some "before" pictures so you could see what they looked like...but basically they looked like long, thin, white roots).

We made enough to feed an army -- and all of their families and families' families. I'm not kidding (remember, this is the man who "does nothing small scale"). 20 (yes, t-w-e-n-t-y) jars of horseradish goes a loooooong way.... Anyone want some?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

and baby(s) make four....

Yesterday was one of the longest days I've had in a long time -- in a good way. I was filled with so many emotions, thoughts, worries, excitement, anxiety, and confusion. Because this blog is my journal, I want to record some things that happened yesterday that I know I will want to remember... and will probably forget.

7:15am: finding out~
Literally stunned as I looked at the monitor while the ultrasound tech said, "Here's one. Oh, and here's two."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Tech: "You're having twins."
Me: "Really? How do you know?"
Tech: "Well, here is one embryo aaaaaand here is the other. There are two separate embryos, so they are fraternal."
Me: stunned and unable look away from the monitor
Tech: "Are you going to be ok?"
Me: "Yes. I'm fine. Just shocked."
I then got dressed -- shaking -- and walked out to the line-up of about 4 or 5 nurses/receptionists behind the main counter all looking at me and smiling with that "knowing smile". They were all very sweet and supportive so it helped calm my nerves...a little.

8:15am: telling Mr. Incredible~
I arrived home, walked upstairs to Jim's office and looked at him with a look of despair on my face (uncontrolled...I couldn't help it). He turned serious and said, "What happened? What's wrong?"
Me: "We're having twins."
Jim: he looked like I had shot him with a stun gun. COMPLETELY frozen in time staring at me. Frozen solid. Then came some expletives...but with a happy face. Then he sat down with a big smile on his face and we talked about it for a bit and then went downstairs to tell the kidlings.

8:30am: telling the kidlings~
Soren: "I know mom, I already told you that it's going to be a girl and a boy." (When I told him I was having a baby the week before, he said, "and you are having a girl and a boy." I said, "No, I'm having a baby and we don't know what it is and it's just one." He said, "It's a girl and a boy mommy." He was very serious when he said it. No joking around. He sounded pretty dang sure of himself, let me tell you. I think I just didn't want to believe him....)
Anna Clara: "Can I hold the babies mommy? I can change their diapers too!"
Daddy (looking at our kitchen table with six chairs around it as I pointed out that we would fill that table with just our family): "Wow. We're gonna have a real family."

the rest of the day: telling family and friends~
The best part of my day was talking to so many stupendous friends and family about it and hearing their, more often than not, laughter and incredibly supportive words. Most people thought it was very, very funny that I am having twins. Many people even said that God must have a sense of humor...I'm not sure I'm getting that humor quite yet.... BUT, I do love hearing people laugh, and, as I've said before, I have no problem with it being at my expense -- and I have no problem laughing with them about it. It's better than crying, right?

I barely got anything done all day. I felt like I was in a daze the entire day...which I was...but still wanting to tell anyone and everyone who would listen. I couldn't tell people fast enough...and I know it's too early to tell people you're pregnant, let alone having twins, but I've never been one to hold back. It's a good thing I don't care because Mr. Incredible hasn't the slightest clue how to keep a secret.... boy came home from school with this picture he had drawn in his class:

Like father, like son. There is no way this news had any chance of being a "secret".... So why try?

And besides, you have no idea how much those words of support and love and happiness and excitment and joy mean to me right now. I'm gonna need all the help I can get these next 8 months of pregnancy, years of sleepless nights, and decades of raising four (*gulp*) children. There are plenty of women who have done it before me and survived, so I'm sure I will.

I think.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

wordless wednesday

too shocked for words....

Twins. Fraternal. Yikes.


Thursday, October 1, 2009

three's a charm

Yes, this is what you think it is. And if you don't know what to think, this stick with two blue lines means that I am preggers. And yes, I am just as shocked as you are, although probably moreso. Jim and I have wanted another baby for quite some time and I was pretty sure it wasn't in the cards for me.

I guess I was wrong.

I honestly and truly can NOT BELIEVE how wrong I was. Seriously. I'm very, VERY surprised and very, VERY happy, excited, nervous, worried, elated, joyful, panicked, and just plain in awe of what seems to be a reality but feels very, VERY much like a dream. I honestly feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find out the stick in the picture was all just a dream. That's why I took a picture of it. I needed proof, without having to keep the peed-on stick.....ew.
(Although I'm sure people do...and good for them! I just didn't happen to want to.)

So yes, while it is a total and complete surprise, it is also something we both have wanted since we had our wee girl three years ago. However, I have never once felt confident that it was possible or even going to happen. With two sisters and a mother who stopped being able to have children at the age of 39, after turning 40 a bit over a year ago, my outlook for a third has been very bleak, to say the least (and turning 41 and feeling very, very old, didn't help much). I personally had no interest in doing anything "invasive" to have a third when I have two perfectly wonderful and healthy kidlings. But....we reeeeeeeally wanted a third. So -- next month, for one final push before we gave up, we were going to try a "procedure". As it turned out, we didn't have to. YIPPEEEE and PHEW!! Funny how that happens, eh?

Now I'll get on my soapbox....just cuz I think it's worth mentioning:
Why the heck did I want a third child when I have two healthy children -- a boy and a girl no less (people seem to think that means you don't need another child) -- and I am at an "at risk" age to have children? Well, who can explain the yearning of a mother? There is no explanation for it and therefore it shouldn't be an option for people to judge a mother's decision to have more children...even if she is "older" or "too young" or she already has 2, or 4, or 8 other perfectly healthy children. But judgment is all around. Mothers feel it constantly. It adds a difficulty to motherhood that shouldn't even exist. But it does. Very much so. And as much as I hate to admit it, I am just as guilty as anyone...I have definitely had my moments of judging such things that have no right to be judged.

I am a mom who married later in life, but who wanted to be married with children since I was born (at least that's what it felt like). Yep, I was one of those women who truly, deeply wanted to get married and have children and that was about the epitome of fulfillment for my life. Pathetic...I know....but I can't deny what I felt, and that's what I felt. I always wanted four children, but three is just fine, thank you. Being an older mom is hard in many ways (but not without its advantages... although I honestly can't think of many), so the prospect of a third at my age is scary, to say the least. However, I am way more excited than scared. Way more.

I feel E X T R E M E gratitude for the family I already have....because for a very, VERY long time I didn't think even that would be a reality. My intense appreciation for my husband and two healthy children is a constant in my life. I am beyond grateful every. single. day.

I am grateful beyond words that I am able to have a third -- because now I don't feel any yearning to have more, no yearning for anything other than to have a happy, healthy child. It's a really nice feeling -- especially after years of yearning. I will be forever grateful for it. As long as I'm not having multiples, our family of five will feel, well, just right. And that feels very, VERY good and I am very, VERY lucky.