Wednesday, May 12, 2010

the waiting week

So...I thought this week would go fast. But, it hasn't. It feels like one of the slowest weeks I've had in a reeeeeally long time. Being totally and completely uncomfortable, practically immobile, constantly nauseous and with a horrid sinus headache all day, every day, will do that to a week. I can't believe how hard these last few days of pregnancy have been. I am writing this not to be whiny -- yet again -- but to remember. This blog is my journal and I want to remember feeling like this when I am sleep-deprived and overwhelmed with two infants and two toddlers. I want to remember how MUCH I want these two babies in my arms -- whether they are sleeping, eating or crying. I just want them in my arms and I want to look down at them and feel that complete bliss and joy that a momma feels to the core when she looks at her babies.

I am so utterly grateful to my doctor for scheduling me to be induced I feel like waddling through a store to look for a perfect gift for her -- but I know I won't find one. Partly because I will be so preoccupied with how uncomfortable I am waddling through the store with people staring at me wondering when I'm going to pop, and partly because there simply won't be a gift worthy of what she has done for me. I am quite aware of how overly dramatic I am being right now. What I am experiencing is absolutely NOTHING compared to someone who has cancer or is paralyzed from an accident or dealing with any number of worse things to be dealing with (and there are PLENTY). But, I just need to remember this when I am dealing with what every parent of twins has told me I am about to experience...which apparently is something so difficult that "only a parent of twins can fully understand how much so". Right now, I am beyond excited to begin my journey into that experience -- but in a few weeks, that may not be the case. Who knows. Maybe it won't be as bad as people have told me it will be. Maybe it will be worse. All I know for sure is that I will soon find out for myself...and I feel VERY VERY lucky to be able to have that experience. Through all of this whining and complaining, I have never lost sight of how lucky I am to be pregnant with two healthy babies...and I can never repeat that enough. I am lucky, lucky, lucky. keep my mind off my complaints and to make the time go by today, I made these:

Afterall, what better treat to come home to after school than homemade oreos 'n milk??

Homemade Oreo Cookies
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
3/4 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder (spooned and leveled)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2/3 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 large egg
1. In a bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt; set aside. In another bowl, stir together butter, sugar, and egg. Add flour mixture, and stir until a dough forms.
2. Divide dough in half; roll out between two sheets of parchment paper to a 1/4-inch thickness. Stack on a baking sheet, and refrigerate until firm, about 30 minutes.
3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees, with racks in upper and lower thirds. Using a 2-inch cookie cutter, cut dough into rounds. Place on sheets, 1 inch apart. Bake until cookies are firm and fragrant, 8 to 10 minutes, rotating sheets halfway through. Transfer to wire racks, and let cool.
4. Spread half the cookies with 1 tablespoon Cream Filling; top with remaining cookies. (To store, refrigerate in an airtight container, up to 5 days.)

Cream Filling
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat butter until light and fluffy. Gradually add confectioners' sugar and granulated sugar, beating until combined. Beat in vanilla extract.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

namaste mommas day

The gardenia is my very favorite flower.... I love its simplicity of beauty and its fragrance is absolutely divine. My farm boy bought this plant for me a while ago and it bloomed this week.

I was thinking about what to put as the title of this post and for some reason I kept repeating "namaste mommasday" in my head...who knows how some stuff gets into my head. I didn't even know what "namaste" meant -- I just know that's what people said in all my yoga classes. So I looked it up. "Namaste" means "I bow to you." How perfect for how I feel about mommas. I bow to mommas. Who doesn't think mommas are worthy of bowing to?? As I have mentioned before, I still can not believe I am a momma. I love being a momma as much as I always knew I would...maybe more..... After all those years of waiting to meet a daddy for my babes and then finally meeting him and having my wonderful babies, I am ever so grateful that I always knew that I was meant to be a momma. I love it with such a passion and certainty that it would not even occur to me to be ashamed of being a "stay at home mom". WHAT is there to be ashamed of? Absolutely, positively nothing. I have absolutely no desire to "do something more with my life". What could possibly be "more" worthy of being a mom? I am constantly baffled when I hear that "women of today are torn between work-life and home-life" or how wonderful it is that "in today's world women can have it all because they can work and be a mom". While yes, there are certainly moms who have to work in order to put food on the table -- and I do understand that and certainly don't discredit them for doing that. HOWEVER, I personally know quite a few moms who feel "torn" or "ashamed" or a "need" to work outside the house "to get away from just being a mom". "Just being a mom"???? WHAT kind of statement is THAT????!!!!

Anyway, I feel like I could go on forever about this subject, but I won't since there are countless emails going around right now that say the same thing in a different way about the profound importance of motherhood. As usual, Erma Bombeck sums up what I am trying to say in a very short and simple statement: Children make your life important.

Whether you have children of your own or not, if you have mentored, taught or loved a child, you are important. How children are treated and nurtured as children makes ALL the difference in what kind of adults they become.

Soren's card he made at school: "I love my mom because I just love her."
(the drawing is of our family -- note Anna Clara's curly hair -- and daddy is picking apples...he's always doing SOME form of gardening!!)

While I was hoping to be a mother of four on this Mother's Day, these two babes are lovin' life in my belly -- way more than I am lovin' carrying them around in my belly!! So, my doc has mercifully scheduled me to be induced this coming Friday, May 14th. The end is near! I have to say that just knowing a date and that they WILL be born within a week has made ALL the difference. Wouldn't that be/have been nice to know exactly when you will meet the love of your life or find the perfect job? It would make the waiting sooooo much easier -- even though it still takes patience to wait. With roughly 14 lbs of babes in my belly, on top of all the extra weight of pregnancy (50+ lbs and gaining...) it takes endurance as well. But I know it will go fast and the discomforts of a body working 'round the clock for three bodies rather than one will be but a memory very, very soon...and it just plain feels good just knowing that.


Thursday, May 6, 2010

go fly a kite

What better way to enjoy a gorgeous, windy, spring day than to fly a kite?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

wordless wednesday

These are some pics I took just because I needed to spend some time with them today.

They smell even prettier than they look.....

Lilacs are a sure sign its May. May is when I am supposed to birth some babies.

I had one of my bi-weekly check-ups with my doc yesterday and she said I would most likely give birth last night because I was almost 3cm dilated and 50% effaced -- and I was having horrible cramping and felt like I was having constant contractions.

My hubby's car broke down on the way to the hospital (I was there most of the day with contractions). He had it towed to a garage.

After pumping me with fluid, the doc said the contractions were just "irritable contractions" so she sent me home. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a very long time so all I wanted to do was cry, but I didn't. I went to pick up my stranded hubby.

We were both in horrid moods. We went out to dinner with the kidlings. My hubby complained about how much he hates his job. I cried. Our two lil ones ignored us and acted like nothing was wrong. Oh how I love children in those moments (and so many others)!!!!!

I am now feeling like I am going to feel this horribly uncomfortable for the rest of my life.

(Having said that, please don't even begin to think that I am not eternally grateful for having such healthy babies in my belly. I am beyond grateful for that. I fully, totally and completely understand that the longer the babies are in my belly, the healthier they will be. If one more person tells me that I might scream not very nice things in their face.)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

plantin' time!

While I wait for my lil seedlings in my belly to grow and burst into our world, my farm boy has begun the process of planting our crops with his lil helper....

The most exciting crop being of course his beloved potatoes....

Saturday, May 1, 2010

week 36!!

(I couldn't decide which picture showed off my belly I am showing both...cuz maybe, just maybe, these will be the last pictures of me preggers. Ever.)

It is week 36 starting today and the waiting begins..... I am free to have these babes any day now and have them be safe to be born in the hospital I have practically been living in the past few months. Their lungs should be fully developed and since they are each growing well and at a hefty weight, I am hoping they will use their strength to push themselves out of me and give me some R E L I E F. Finally.

Earlier this week I spent the day in the hospital as I was apparently extremely dehydrated (even though I take a water bottle with me everywhere! But I have been so very nauseous, that I have to admit I haven't been drinking a whole heckuva lot....) which made me have horrible contractions. The doc thought it was just a bit too early, so the nurse stuck that dang IV in me (OUCH!) and pumped me with fluids and when that didn't work, she gave me a shot of a stop-the-contractions drug. By about 6pm, the contractions stopped.


I know...I know...the longer they are in my belly, the healthier they will be, blah blah blah.... But making it to 36 weeks with twins is good enough for me. Nobody will want to be around me if I am still cookin' these chicks in two weeks. That's not a joke. I'll make Cruella Deville seem like Mary Poppins.

But, enough whining. I am incredibly grateful that I and the babes are as healthy as we are (no bed rest the entire pregnancy! Yippee!) and they have stayed in my belly this long. That is a good thing. I just have to keep repeating that in my head....over and over and over again......

I am also grateful for my friends and the INCREDIBLE support they are to me. I was given a baby shower (my very first!) last Saturday and wow. Them are some seriously good friends. It was beautiful in every single way. I doubt I could possibly feel luckier than I am feeling these days...even amidst the pain and total discomfort of these last weeks of pregnancy. I meant to mention the wonderful shower in my last post about having "beauty all around me", but I tend not to stay very focused on anything these days.....

Anyway, in celebration of making it to week 36 and the fact that I don't have to worry too much about going into "pre-term labor" anymore (by being on my feet too much during the day), I made these:

Ina Garten's Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Cookies

1/2 pound unsalted butter at room temperature
1-1/2 cups light brown sugar, packed
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 extra-large eggs at room temperature
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup smooth peanut butter
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 pound good semisweet chocolate chunks (or chips)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream the butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time. Add the vanilla and peanut butter, and mix. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt and add to the batter, mixing only until combined. Fold in the chocolate chunks. Drop the dough on a baking sheet, using either a 1-inch ice cream scoop or a rounded tablespoon. Bake for 12 minutes (the cookies will seem underdone). Do not overbake. Remove from the oven and let cool slightly on the pan, then transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely.

They are THE BEST peanut butter chocolate chip cookies I have ever had. Since I'm still nauseous all the time and sweets make it worse (and I have next to zero motivation to do much of anything), I haven't baked much lately. But today, I just felt like making these. I stuffed myself with about 5 or 6 of them (warm outta the oven...I had more after dinner. Just call me Miss Piggy!) because if I'm going to be this nauseous regardless of what I eat, I might as well eat yummy cookies! Besides, maybe if I stuff myself with enough food I might push the babies out.... See how irrational I am becoming???? I need to be birthin' these babies.


This is what I look down on. It looks much bigger from above, doesn't it? That's why I keep sayin' I'm HUGE! That and I can hardly move without waddling, moaning and grunting....