a new year....

This time of year always feels more like a "new year" than New Year's Day because, for one, it's my birthday time (birthdays are never just one day for me...), and for two, it's the beginning of school. This year that means my boy is going to kindegarten. Yup, das right...I am the mom of a little boy going to kindegarten. One of the things (as there are several....) that is weird about that is I can remember going to my very first year of school when we lived in Italy -- and a rather large part of me still feels like that lil girl in her white uniform trotting off to school.

And yet...as I looked around at the moms of their kindegarteners, as usual, they are all quite a bit younger than I am. So here's the thing....I finally get it. I get what it means to "feel old". NOT that I am "old" per se, but let me explain.....

I am older than most moms with a 5 year old as my eldest child, and yet, in so many, many ways I still feel much, much, MUCH younger. Now, having said that, there are many things about aging, physically, that nobody can escape. As much as people try -- there is no plastic surgery that fully captures a youthful face, hands and body. That is just a fact...and I'll never understand why so many older women with their pulled back faces think they are anything close to being "younger and more beautiful".

Like everyone else, I have not escaped what "aging" looks like. It's hard to finally come to the realization that you have grown up -- more physically than mentally, just to reiterate. I can see by people's reaction to me that they realize I am an "older mom". It is so freeeaking weird to realize that I look my age...and that my age is "old"...well, not old as in "old lady", old as in "older". Get it? Well, if you don't now, you will some day, I assure you.

I haven't talked to anyone about this, but I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling isn't unusual. I'm also sure it doesn't happen at the same age for everyone. For me, "it" happened this year. The year I turned 41. I am now, officially (in my head anyway), "older" -- and when people see me they don't think I am in my 30s. They are pretty sure I'm in my 40s. Turning 40 was fun and a big birthday and all that good stuff. 41 is when reality sets in. I am an "older woman" (again, not "old" since I know you are all thinking 41 is not "old").

So -- in light of this "new year", I am making some resolutions:
> change my blog design (I love resolutions that are already completed....)
> chop my hair off for a fun new 'do (not to look younger...only to mark a change in my 'tude that my 40s are going to be FABULOUS! Hair does that for me...you should see all the 'dos I've had on this head o' mine....)
> work on more creative projects -- as many as possible (including being more creative with this blog -- I'm still figuring out all that I can do! So much to learn!!)
> get in better shape (I had to throw that one in...both because I actually need to and because what's a resolution list without it?)
> be a better mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter (I know this is overly general, but I know all relationships take work -- and I need to work harder at all of them!)
> make sure my 40s are truly FABULOUS (this will take the most work... but I know I can do it)

Just to make it perfectly clear.....I know I'm not "old". 41 years old is NOT old. But.................