my joy

13 years ago I needed a dog. I mean I reeeeeally needed a dog. I was going through the toughest time in my life, so far, dealing with so many things on my own. Totally on my own. So I got a dog so I wouldn't be completely alone. I named her "JoiVie" from "Joie de Vivre" -- "Joy of Life". I needed some joy. She brought me more joy than I ever thought possible from a four-legged friend. She lived up to her name in every way, for every single one of those 13 years of her life.

This was taken on her first birthday in my office.

The earliest photos I have access to right now.

I don't have any digital pictures of her as a puppy (and I packed all my photo prints) because she came into my life before digital photos and cameras, Snapfish, blogs, iPhones, iPads, Facebook, Instagram; before Mr. Incredible, four bundles of joy, and the two most important roles of my life -- that of a wife and mother. She was my very first baby, she was totally and completely MY baby...she rarely left my side as she went to work with me, traveled to NYC with me, went on vacations with me...yes, I am one of "those" kind of dog lovers. I considered her to be a kindred spirit, a best friend, the love and joy of my life. To non-dog owners, this sounds a bit much. I don't care. To be able to have such a connection with another species besides a human is a gift and something as difficult to explain as love itself.

She was a part of me and has been, and always will be, a huge part of my heart. My last act of love to her was to put her to sleep upon discovering she had bone cancer -- before it became too painful. She was 13 and a half and had lived a full, healthy, happy life...no need to end it in unnecessary pain. It was an excruciatingly difficult decision to make, but there wasn't a doubt in my mind it needed to be done for her sake. I couldn't bear to have her be in pain when I knew I could give her a chance to die peacefully. And with our sweet connection, I knew she loved me for it...and for that I am oh so grateful.

My first two babies with my babe of a husband.

Soren, 1 year old; JoiVie, 4 years old

Anna Clara, 1 year old; JoiVie, 6 years old

One of my very favorite pictures of my first three babies -- who always played so nicely together.

Anna Clara was ALWAYS playing with her and for her. She called her "BA-bm"...how she came up with that name, I will never know...

She was never far from the action.

She loooved playing with rocks!!!

The most patient pup in the entire world.

And the most loving.

She loved "reading" to her pup.

She was as crazy about snow as her momma.

Four-legged Packer Backer.

She was by my side throughout every pregnancy.

 

He sat with her and cried the day after we discovered her cancer.

She sat with her as well...but saved her tears for the day she passed, when she couldn't stop crying.

It snowed on her last day so she could enjoy it for the last time.

And she enjoyed every minute of it.

Her all-time favorite pastime -- catching snowballs.

Saying goodbye before getting on the bus. She watched them get on the bus every day.

 JoiVie
08/16/99 - 02/06/13

"The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."

I am grateful to have had her to love as much and as long as I did.

a fall day

This past Sunday was a gorgeous fall day. (Aren't those colors spectacular??!!) I had planned on spending it crossing off items from my daily "to do list". I have discovered that keeping a daily list is the only way I can get myself to get anything done these days. I have also learned that it is very difficult to motivate to do much when you are living in limbo; and by "limbo" I mean -- not knowing if and when we are going to sell our house, when we are going to move, missing my hubby and knowing he and my children are missing out on valuable time together...yada yada.....

Anyway...back to the gorgeous fall day..... I have seen pictures on Facebook and heard many families rave about going on hikes in the beautiful mountains of New Hampshire. I have been DYING to go with my kidlings on such a trip, but have felt that they are still a bit young for me to take them on my own...since my farm boy is usually, well, working on the farm on the weekends and now that he is working in Chicago, I really am alone...all the time...with four children under the age of 8....and, as fun as that sounds, it has been a bit intimidating to venture out into the wild with the four of them.

But I finally did it.

Oh boy, did I ever.

Apparently I haven't learned the valuable life lesson of starting slow and easy and THEN taking on the bigger stuff. Oh no. Oh no I haven't. I thought I was taking it slow by going somewhere within 15 minutes of my home. It's a place I had heard many people tell me about and have never been. It is called "Winnekeni Castle" and is a beautiful trail to a castle and around a pond and basin. Before I go on, I want to emphasize that I had never been there before. I also want to point out that hiking, walking and/or climbing mountains is just a bit addictive for me -- once I get started, it is very, very hard for me to turn around and go back...I NEED to keep going until I have reached a peak or gone a full circle without repeating any trails....

So now, having said that, here is a pictorial review of our walk in the woods on a gorgeous fall day:

 We started on our little walk and it seemed easy enough. With four little ones. And a dog. All by myself.

On such an absolutely gorgeous fall day.

Up we walked to the castle...which I never took a picture of because there was a Halloween party going on and it was covered with tacky Halloween decorations...sad, but true.

One of us wasn't very happy for most of the trip.

whoah is me!!!!

I decided to take a different trail back from the castle...who wants to take the same trail back when there's another one that looked so appealing?? This trail brought us to another trail near the water...and what wee ones can resist walking by the water?

And what Golden Retriever can resist getting in that water? (I stupidly allowed Niels to take the leash for a bit...and she took her chance and ran for it!)

My pup stayed in the water a while...so it delayed our walk quite a bit...but these guys were amused.

Since we had been walking for quite some time, and they were all starting to complain about the length of the walk, we took a little rest here to play.

Anna Clara was especially tired apparently....

One of the few times Anders was smiling during the walk.

JoiVie was tuckered out as well. (I can't believe she is 13 years old....)

Anna Clara is constantly entertaining herself in one way or another....

There were so many pictures I wanted to take, but I so rarely had my hands free since I was usually either holding a hand...or two...or, by the end, carrying a crying child...or two.... I fully realized the extent of my walking/hiking/exploring addiction when, two hours after starting the hike, I had two crying toddlers, one whining girl and a wet, stinky, tired old dog -- and, I can't leave him out, a constantly helpful and easygoing 8 year old boy -- and I STILL wanted to take another trail around the basin for the final stretch...which turned out to be way longer than I expected -- and way more difficult as I tried to carry two very heavy, crying boys.

But, I have to admit, regardless of the crying and whining around me, I couldn't help but thoroughly soak in the stunning beauty, appreciate the little hands in mine, the fresh air, and, best of all, a day off from my "to do list" to simply enjoy my five (dog included of course!) favorite little joys in the entire world. And what a beautiful world it is....

time flies...am I having fun?

I would just like to share that sometimes, yes, sometimes, being home all day, listening to whining, fighting, crying, toddlers and cleaning up mess after mess gets, well, a bit old. Some days I just want to throw a punch at the gazillion people who have said to me, while gazing wistfully at my young children, "It goes by so fast...enjoy them now...."

As you know from reading this blog, I DO enjoy them. I appreciate them, I lap up every little funny, adorable, delicious bit of them. I feel lucky every day. Even on the bad days.

But.

There are days.

Ok, maybe weeks.

When this time of "going by so fast" doesn't feel fast enough.

I get sick and tired of cleaning up the messes.

Soooooo tired of those constant, never-ending, non-stop, every second messes I am cleaning up.

Day after day.

In the midst of preparing for birthday parties, preparing meals, or maybe just trying desperately to do something creative and fun - for myself.

peek-a-boo!!

I am constantly tiptoeing around messes as I make dinner.

And then there's the constant, never-ending, non-stop, every second crying, whining and/or fighting. Sucha lotta crying, whining and fighting.

Buuuut.......then there are the times I know, without a doubt, I will some day think about as I wistfully say to a mom with young kidlets how fast it goes....

Anna Clara had some fun playing dress-up with the boys....

The boys plopped themselves down and did their thang.

 






































I was taking pictures of the mess in the kitchen and Anders went up to Niels and hugged him for the camera. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to get a picture of them hugging. Every time, by the time I get the camera, they break apart and move on to something else. But this time they shared plenty of hugs for the camera. 

And yes, these are the moments, and all the many good moments I record on this blog, that make all the messes, the crying, the whining, the daily grind....worth it.